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friendship (is magic)
Topic Started: Feb 1 2017, 12:31 PM (223 Views)
pantsukun
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from middle school thru 2012 i was friends w/like 5 ppl irl and we liked to chill together and do things and it was kinda noice i guess, also there were some ppl i chilled w/at my own high school that i didn’t see much after graduation (i moved like 30 mins away between middle school and high school, so i went to a different school)

then in 2012 for various reasons i didn’t rlly wanna go outside as much anymore and i lost track of them and didn’t rlly have friends from then ’til december 2013

i joined a forum and made a few friends thru plug.dj and then we moved to irc, but probably 99 percent (or more?) of my interactions have been with one person, tho other ppl drop by occasionally

i never thought i would become someone who didn’t have friends irl, but at the same time, i felt there was something lacking in the friendship/relationship department for a lot of those 11 or 12 years of friendship with those irl ppl

somehow over the past 3 years i’ve never felt that same sense of lacking in my online friendships even tho they’ve mostly consisted of me chatting to one single person over the internet

there are things that 1 internet friendship has (honesty, closeness, etc.) that those 5ish irl friendships lacked, and for the past few years i lived and continue to live in bliss and happiness and epicness

i guess my point is, if i could make more friends i would, but making friends is not something that comes naturally to me, maybe i was not meant to have a lot of friends but i would like to even tho i am pretty clueless at these things

so what about u guys, what are ur feelings and opinions and history w/friendship and relationships and stuff
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yeti
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hm well I think each person has a level of honesty and closeness that they want and it probably differs from person to person

it also seems like sometimes, one person sees a lot more honesty and closeness in a relationship than another person does, and so one person might get dissatisfied with it while the other does not and may even be wondering why the other person left, if the other person did leave

if my life was a story then honesty and closeness would probably be major themes in it

throughout most of my life, I have been encountering situations where it seemed like my friends would just kinda not value it as much as me and then disappear, and I mean I can deal with that but then at that point I sometimes stop viewing it as a friendship and then if they show up again years later I'm sometimes left wondering what they want, as jerky as that may be or seem or something (lately I haven't been feeling that way about disappeared friends, though)

for a long time I didn't think honesty was particularly important but eventually I came to understand that it's role in friendships and many other interpersonal relationships is basically crucial. it is completely understandable to lie or omit information in a lot of cases but I think that it actually does damage the relationship each time, even if it might seem like it doesn't

I don't think dishonesty is evil or anything like that and sometimes I'm still dishonest but at this point if I am trying to really be friends with someone (and even in many cases where I am not really trying to) then my goal is clear, and that is to leave nothing important unsaid and to make sure that they don't feel like there is any problem with doing the same toward me

since I usually view my sexuality as something that is far less important even than what hat I'm wearing, and usually don't have any desire to talk about it in the first place, I am usually fine with letting those secrets lie, but then sometimes I do talk about it (although that is still kind of hard for me) and if I have a friend who wants to talk about their sexuality to whatever extent then I am all ears, especially because I want them to feel comfortable being open with me

but then at this point, one thing that I worry a lot about is whether or not I should think and act like I'm trying to be someone's friend because while I won't disappear without a good reason, those good reasons can and sometimes do pop up, and I can't claim to be reliable overall, and if I'm going to let them down then it might just hurt their feelings more if I act like I'm their friend

it would be very understandable if they felt betrayed. I really feel that way, and I also really feel that I am unreliable af

so like at this point I'm not sure if I should think like I have any friends at all but idk, I guess it depends on how the people in question see things

Ragna and Pantsu are quite chill and it seems like it might be okay if I do that with them even though I am unreliable af, and I hope it'll turn out okay one way or another. I really do appreciate being around you two and it has made me happier

but it is kind of interesting how I went from seeing other people as being too lukewarm about friendships, to seeing myself as being too lukewarm about them.... and so yeah idk where my path will take me from here on out
Edited by yeti, Feb 1 2017, 01:20 PM.
pantsukun
Dec 25 2016, 10:17 AM
haha noice balls noice maru
ragnarokio
Dec 30 2016, 10:41 AM
it stalled on the thread about balls i will investigate
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Cthylla
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I dont need many friends.
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pantsukun
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yeti u are free to chill with me any time B)

and yes i will say that honesty and communication are crucial to any close relationship that u have w/someone whether friendship or otherwise, and being able to feel like u are free to express ur feelings and concerns about the relationship and other stuff to the other person

i think that you yeti have been one of the most accepting ppl i have come across online, acceptance is coo’

tru lily i don’t need that many friends either and i have not had more than one person that i have communicated with outside of my family on a regular basis since 2013 tho lately i have had enough confidence and curiosity to explore new friendships and stuff but it has mostly been limited to the spam kingdom so far

i wanna b friends w/more ppl from the spam kingdom at least, having a lot of friends seems like it would b stressful but there are only a handful of ppl here so that seems like it would b doable

i think this is why i haven't been to ATF since the spamening, i felt like i already lucked out w/meeting ragna and yeti and even tho i share interests w/ppl there, if there was anyone else i had potential to b rlly coo' w/then they would have been spamming w/us i guess idk

i have only ever initiated a friendship myself once but other than that it is something that always happened by chance, i am not an outgoing person tho i can pretend to b sometimes
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Cthylla
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Being friends with me is probably difficult.
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pantsukun
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how do u mean?
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yeti
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:)

hm, it seems like in general, the only time I ever try to keep more than one friend at a time is when I just happen to meet more even though I wasn't trying to make friends at the time

as I went through life I mainly did so with the goal of making one good friend and then in most cases I didn't care too much about having more friends than that

I think sometimes I am a bit outgoing but then most of the time I am not at all

there has been at least one occasion where I went up to a person IRL and just started talking to them in order to become friends, but I don't remember how most of my IRL friendships started... nor do I remember how a number of them ended, because it seems like I would just notice eventually that those friends were gone. and there have only been, like, 6 or 7 or so IRL friends in my life, in total, I think

I probably blew their perceived disappearances out of proportion, too. especially since I probably did not try too hard to maintain contact myself. I probably just assumed that if I tried to talk to them after they disappeared then it would just end up being this awkward thing where they wouldn't really be interested and depending on the circumstances I might have gotten in the way of things and/or become embarrassed or something

assumptions can really be the death of just about anything in this world, and something that I've learned is that no matter how sure you are of your assumption, even if you think it actually isn't just an assumption and even if your feelings scream out that you're right, it could easily still be wrong, and perceived implications often don't mean much of anything. even if you have evidence of it, you have to carefully examine what that evidence actually supports and what it doesn't. and I think that in far more cases than we expect, our evidence barely supports anything at all, let alone everything that we think it does

but then in a lot of cases I didn't have the guts to bet on the chance that my assumption was wrong
Edited by yeti, Feb 1 2017, 05:58 PM.
pantsukun
Dec 25 2016, 10:17 AM
haha noice balls noice maru
ragnarokio
Dec 30 2016, 10:41 AM
it stalled on the thread about balls i will investigate
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pantsukun
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yeh like i never understood how ppl get to kno like several ppl even online, i remember bein in middle school and urry1 signin yrbooks tho i only got mine signed by my handful of friends and no one else b/c why

meanwhile ppl were gettin like extra pages inserted just to get yrbooks signed

truuuuuuuuu like once u meet ur one good friend that is enough to b happy and have fun times tho it is noicer if u have more than one good friend who is epic and kewl B)

i am outgoing only w/certain ppl but i am shy around almost anyone i meet tho i guess online i can at least pretend to not b shy if i'm sure i'm around noice enough ppl

i think the problem w/assumptions and urrything goes baq to the importance of honesty and communication in relationships, if urry1 is not on the same page then things don't rlly work that well
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Cthylla
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I probably mostly use friends to fullfill needs of gaming or talking or whatever. Idk about any emotional things like friendship or love but I may have that. If my main friends are offline Ill talk to secondary or tertiary friends. Then I have friends on steam that just exist to occasionally give me games on my birthday. Lel.
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Rubik
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my brother and i are pretty close friend and our groups of friends have had pretty big overlaps for most of our lives

i will draw out my friend web

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this is more or less what it looks like, i included most of the people I'd be fairly likely to end up doing something with

the solid connections are people who would be very likely to hang out with each other without a reason. the broken connections would be likely to contact each other in more specific situations

i'm probably missing a lot of connections and it's not like people with weaker connections/no connections aren't friends or anything

there are more people that i occasionally do things with that aren't on this list but these are the main people who come to mind
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